Memoirs of a Dreamer

So I graduated as valedictorian from The Los Angeles Recording School aka The Los Angeles Film School. I am a sound engineer now! Remember when I was asking for donations to help? I cannot believe I actually made it all the way through with straight As. Sometimes I didn't feel like going or finishing those projects that gave me sleepless nights, but so proud of myself I kept pushing through.  What a dream come true! I came a long way to get here and this is just the beginning of what is going to come. When I was four years old, I said I wanted to be a pianist in the morning (we need classical music in the morning), a ballerina in the afternoon (no idea how I knew there are afternoon shows on Broadway), and a Jessica Rabbit in the evening (someone has to be her in real life); at the age of six, I was looking to the sky searching for Santa Clause on Xmas eve and I said out of the blue: "Some day I will live in LA"; and at 18 my first boyfriend (Ivan Fabiano, how can I forget) broke up, because my dreams were too big. He said: "What if in 10 years you are out in LA doing your thing?"

Not many understand how hard it was for me and how many times I wanted to give up. After 9/11 the US closed its doors to the working class and only let people with special skills in for work and residency. Many people ask me why I did not go to Germany or England and the reason is simple: How many auditions are there available in Europe and how many productions all over the world end up in Los Angeles? The world looks at Hollywood when they need anything done quickly, cost efficient and professionally. Everybody knows, that the best reside here. At the age of 23 I was fed up of working a job that didn't have anything to do with my real talents that were just getting old and disappearing behind the screen of a PC. When your dream is music and dance and your parents make you go to school for business, it feels like they just want to turn you into a zombie. You stop loving them, because they don't want to understand. I made drastic decisions. It was January 6, 2004 when my friend Josy and I went to watch "Honey" at the movie theater. We had been rehearsing and performing together for 3 years and both pushed hard for the life we dreamed of. Leaving the theater we both ended on the same wavelength: Let's go to New York together and take some dance classes over there. We booked the flight and left for our personal boot-camp in April. Growing up, I spent a lot of summers in ballet camps where we would have a minimum of 3 classes a day, so we kept that routine. I remember holding each others hands when we were walking up the stairs of the Broadway Dance Center. We walked into the door like we were walking into the TV show "Fame". I was so excited about it that I would not let Josy sleep in. We stayed at the YMCA by Columbus Circle and had bunk beds. I would wake up, look down and try to wake her. If she didn't want to get up, I would go to the cafeteria, get coffee and pound cake for her. That was the beginning of a journey I had no idea would become so adventurous.

After that trip, I was hooked. There are no schools like that in Switzerland, and I booked my ticket to LA for October to check out the Millennium Dance Complex and other dance schools. I had promised my friend Subita in Orange County I would come visit after I would turned 21, so I kept my promise. This time I flew over with my homegirl Isabel, who is more girly and likes the shiny things. Walking around with her, I had to disappoint some kids... "I am sorry, I am not Alicia Keys!". After that 2 weeks visit I started flying to LA every 3 months. I figured there is no reason to try to stay if I don't get an agent, manager or producer to want to work with me, and knew after a few times that my competition as a dancer was too big. There were too many people who did this full time since they were little kids. My talent did not equal theirs. I did 3 years of traveling back and forth, but every time I was getting to collaborate on something, I had to go back, so the guy I was dating at the time, proposed to me over the phone after weeks and weeks spending too much money calling Europe. I am going to make the story short on this: Worst and best decision I could have made at the time. God and the Devil were fighting on my behalf for sure. I made the decision to leave my apartment and give my things away, but still without being sure if I wanted to make the mov. He promised me the world though, and seemed to be so into me that I thought, it could not go wrong. We decided to do the Vegas thing on 07.07. 2007... the hottest day I have ever experienced in my life. Everything ran smoothly and we had a lot of fun on the way until the Porche stopped a few blocks from the "White Chaple". I didn't think of spiritual signs at the time and helped him push the car into a parking spot. He was so upset about it, but I had worked for a breakdown service and knew it was only overheated, so I tried my best to calm him down. I paid for a night at the Motel to be in there only 30 min so that we could refresh ourselves for our big day. Let me make this story shorter: An hour after our wedding I found myself beaten up on the streets of Vegas. I could not see further than a foot (my glasses were completely destroyed), so I could not go anywhere but back home with him. Apparently my decision to try to figure this out, accept apologies and get into the same situation 2 more times was right, listening to the lawyer. I would tell any girl to get the f* out of there. He could have killed me. I must be the only person in LA to love the LAPD for their kindness and the way they handled everything. I don't know where I would be today if Witness Assistance didn't call me to come to court and gave me all the information necessary to help myself. I was a mess and so upset about myself. How could I have found myself in that situation when I never wanted to get married anyways and especially would never do it for papers. I felt like a fool....

Imagine this: You are making 5k a month at 19 living on your own and at 25 you are on the streets of LA trying to find a place to lay your head. The worst is not the earthquake or the tornado, the worst is the aftermath. The way people full of judgment treat you is scary. I had to go through it to understand: Shit happens to the best of us. It's all about how we deal with it, that shows our character and I just never gave up. I had never been so grateful to have studied business and speaking 7 languages until I got to that point because it is what saved me. God works in many mysterious ways but I know he was always with me. You know that desperate moment when you go: "What am I gonna do now?" Well there is always a way out as long as you have your brain. When my computer decided to crash, I asked my friend for his library card. You can send a lot of emails in 2 hours. I worked as background on movies, production manager, video vixen, model, actress, voice over talent and songwriter for commercials, and and and.

My parents found out what had happened and decided to help me with the lawyer. It took me 4 years to become a resident and definitely not thanks to getting married so I paid my dues. After receiving my residency I was cast as the lead of the movie Most Wanted and picked up by a manager but then things were not running so smoothly in my private life. Posting a comment on facebook on my friend's Diana Cruz' picture at a mixing console that I wanted to push her buttons and faders, I got reminded at my original dream (Diana passed away one week before the finals in a car accident. Her funeral service was exactly at the same time as my graduation. I had hooked her up with my friend and they were already living together. Graduation week was a very difficult week for me...).

Helping my friend and producer Ness (rnsbeats) to record a song, I knew that I wanted to learn how to engineer. I had already informed myself about Unit prices at the community college and started researching on different opportunities to learn the profession. Visiting the Los Angeles Film School I found out trough Maria Kozlov (the best admission rep one can have) I could receive financial aid to go to school; I was stoked. I started after two weeks of preparation. It was the best decision I could have ever made... Welcome reader into the beginning of the rest of my life. My friends are stars on earth and together we create art that will change the world to the better...

 My man Anthony Jackson (left) who has been on a grade competition with me since the first month of school is now interning at Dj Skee.
"Izzy" (right) keeps suprising me with his loco talent. Can't wait to bump into him on some post production gig.
My baby Lyndon Jordan is a talented mofo. I feel super overprotective towards him, so watch it! :D

 Will O. Wiles aka DJ WOW is one of those busy kids that are always having a party and make you feel special when he sees you. If you don't watch yourself you will fall behind cause for some reason he finds the time to study and organize all his stuff while you are sleeping the buzz off. lol...

 Jillisa Lynn surprises me every day with her love. She deserves all her followers and fans because she is amazing inside out. I met her the first year she was in town on set with Ice-T and Mya Good (Meagan Good's sister) and she took over in a storm. If you haven't yet, check out www.jillisalynn.com

Bass slapper Bryant Russell on the right blessed me with his presence and what's up with the color coordination here? Are we that connected?

 My friend and another one of my besties Twyce (left/blue) literally came to my graduation twice all the way from Las Vegas. He thought at first it was on April 10 and called me when he was already in front of the school. I gave him a hard time cause he did not come to see me. Instead he took the road again for the official day. He is a bad ass songwriter, singer and friend.

 LARS Associate of Science in Recording Arts Class of May 10, 2013

The after party was on May 25th at Las Palmas in Hollywood. Is it coincident or destiny that this was the club I walked away from half a year ago because they made us wait forever outside and wanted us to pay even though I was on the vip list? Well this time,  I was hosting and had a table. :D

My 30th birthday last year (yes, I am in my 30s beotch)
was at the Dim Mak Studios in Hollywood. May not sound like anything to you but it meant a lot to me to be in the original Dim Mak's club... who has followed me in the past may know why.

 Goddess Image is my company that I am growing into more than just a network. Check out www.goddessimage.com and like www.facebook.com/goddessimage

 Dale Stelly in da house! This is his birthday party at the V-lounge in Santa Monica. I met this hard working up&coming producer years ago on the set of Lil' Wayne and Mac 10's music video. He booked me a few times after that and became a very good friend together with his partner KC Amos aka "my favorite cookie". Together we are taking overrrrrrr.... :D

 Asphalt Messiah is a band I have followed and supported since the first day we met jamming at the studio session of the band Blaxsmith. "Automatic" (in the middle) gives me eargasms when he opens his mouth. I hope his lady (right) doesn't get jealous lol. When Auto is not busy being a rockstar he is an A&R at Sony... It looks like we got dressed for the pic.lol. Band member Kacy and his son (not on the pic) are 2 very important people to me and if you follow me on facebook, I am sure you have seen the pic. This is at Hard Rock Cafe in Hollywood.

 One of my favorite people in the world is also Tanesha Thompson, the founder of Teenalane Couture and wife of motivational speaker Husan Thompson. I met Tanesha as my stylist on a photoshoot with photographer Michael Yates and now she is my partner in crime when it's about business and heart affairs :D

The Most Wanted Red Carpet Movie Premiere at the famous Chinese Theater in Hollywood

Jade (left), the founder of Metamorphosis Couture made my dress in 2 days and Cat's Meow owner Rachel (right) handmade those lashes. 

by the way... Fall 2012 Music and Talent Intern at Nickelodeon baby

 
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RIP Diana Cruz - my "better than a man muse", eYe will never forget you!